A skin that smells of soap, a hair that smells good shampoo ... nothing more pleasant for oneself and others. We learned early in childhood: " we should not get dirty ", " a pretty girl is a neat girl " ... Some have applied the instructions to the letter, to the point of pouring in sanitary hygienists who confine to obsession.

An ideal of purity and perfection

We are serine barely subliminal messages: we need the whitest than white for laundry, the flower of a garden to lather the bath ... Always cleaner, so always more than perfect. It suffices to have a little fragile self-esteem, a relationship with femininity complicated to be sensitive to this social ideal of angelic purity. So, all that can remind us of the cycle of life, the natural moods, the passing years, must be buried under strippers and sublime fragrances.

For Jean-Charles Bouchoux , psychoanalyst: "The phobia of odors actually masks a fear of life and sexuality, it is also a sign of hostility, of misanthropy. one, we say willingly that we can not "feel it". " And the message of purity always targets women. Maryvonne Leclère, clinical psychologist, teacher and member of AFTCC3, speaks of "original guilt" : "We rub, we wash to ward off anguish, we feel guilty about being contaminated and contaminating others. " As one lives in a hygienist society, the anxiety is about the disease, the need to disinfect.

It is the anxiety to do wrong, to be accused of indisposing others or of causing them harm. The concern for excessive cleanliness is also an aggression turned against oneself: thus, one attacks the dust or its "me-skin" rather than the person who has made us angry. Failing to say "no", we clean, we erase, we take revenge on the tiles on his nails. Overbought cleanliness and the pursuit of perfection hide a self-confidence undermined.

From simple mania to hard and soft knocks

Wash your hands at least three times a day, brush your teeth after each meal ... this is desirable. But when the "reflex cleanliness" is systematic, it borders on the mania. If we damage the skin by breaking it down and we set up rituals and strategies to avoid contact (we do not shake hands with anyone), we are in the phobia or the Toc (obsessive compulsive disorder ). We become a control freak.

"The difference between mania and TOC is not only the frequency, but the management of the anxiety and the ability to accept a change of program (go out instead of taking a third shower)," says Jean-Charles Bouchoux. When you have to put on gloves to catch dish gloves, undress in an airlock to change, according to a very precise gesture, before you can sit on your couch, the daily becomes a hell. If we do not follow these rituals, we have the impression that a disaster will happen. So we multiply them to reassure ourselves again, which also generates anxiety, the famous vicious circle.

From mania to Toc, it's a whole range of emotions that we are afraid to show the other, "as if we had to offer an impassive face, without redness, sweat, expression," says Stéphane Rusinek, professor of psychology and president of AFTCC. As if expressing joy, sadness, fear, could make vulnerable. We must take the risk of the relationship, let the other influence us, change us - which does not mean "dispossess us" .

Letting go and find the pleasure of being oneself

Mania or Toc, you have to put your finger on your anxiety and accept the disorder. Disorder is life. In behavioral therapy, the person is asked to expose himself to what she fears most, the dirt: thus, touching the ground with her hands without rushing to wash them. Anxiety goes up, but you have to decipher it, put words and emotions on it. It is by confronting his fear that it is best tamed.

"It's about reducing the impact of hygienic behavior by implementing the opposite approach: fewer rituals for more awareness," says Maryvonne Leclère. To achieve letting go, a peaceful relationship with the body and the feeling that one has of oneself, without fear of falling into the opposite excess (negligence). At the time of kings, fear of contamination by water led the court to hide under perfumes a great lack of hygiene. Some, nowadays, hide, under a beautiful wardrobe and a good cosmeto, a flagrant lack of passages under the
shower. This is explained by the same irrational fear of contamination and relationship. To stop being in control is to give oneself a chance to assert oneself and take care of oneself in sensuality and pleasure.