To keep from fatigue, Cécile, 41, has found the solution: she never stops. "My days are like a marathon," says this lawyer, in a relationship with three children. "I start working at 9:30, but I get up at 7 to manage the little ones. Back at 18:45, I hurry with homework and dinner. At 21:30, I realize that I did not blow a second. "A non-stop life that resembles that of Sabrina, 33, single mother and host in a recreation center:" I get up at 6 am because I work in staggered hours. I finish at 6:45 pm, and then I take care of my daughter. If I go to bed at 9 pm, I feel like I have done nothing for me all day. So I'm watching ... and I often want to cry when the alarm rings. "

54% OF WOMEN MANAGERS CONTINUE TO WORK WEEKEND

Far from being exceptions, the fatigue experienced by Cécile and Sabrina seems to have become the norm for French women, as evidenced by a study by the firm Occurrence, which figures at 341 hours per year the sleep deficit among women . A deficit 20% higher than that found in men - who have less need for sleep, according to research conducted by Inserm: women go to bed systematically after the time recommended by their biological clock (in advance of six minutes on that of men).

"I am delighted that such studies are finally carried out," says Fatma Bouvet de Maisonneuve ⁽¹⁾ , a psychiatrist at Sainte-Anne Hospital, in Paris, who deplores the usual lack of interest in the medical world for the problems specifically related to the status of women. The latest study of the Crédoc on the division of household chores is final: 91% of men do not iron, 60% do not do the housework and 50% snob the stoves. And again, the Crédoc was not interested in the proportion of fathers who do not take their child to the doctor or dry meetings of parents.

As Jérôme Ballarin, director of the Observatory of Time and Parenthood in Business, reminds us: "It is often said that French women are great because they are both among the most active in Europe on a professional level. and those who do the most children. If this double hat is indeed great, one wonders why housework as well as "permanent parenthood" (that which includes the recruitment of the nanny or the emergency visit to the pediatrician) remain the prerogative of women.

Coralie, a supermarket buyer, summarizes: "I love my job, I love my children, but I admit to feeling less tired when I'm on a business trip, because it's the only time my husband manages the job. stewardship in my place. When I do "just" work, it's almost a vacation. "

Whether they are the only ones raising their children (84% of single-parent households are headed by women) or couples, most of our fellow citizens live a double life. And during the day, each unexpected is synonymous with stress and fatigue: "It is enough that a meeting drags on so that I find myself looking urgently for a baby sitter," says the lawyer. However, according to the sociologist Marc Loriol ⁽²⁾ : "Having to juggle with different imperatives and contradictory injunctions, involving several partners for their realization, is exhausting. Because, not content to have a double day of work, the active French has the brain that works continuously in "multitasking" mode.

Credits: Paul Bradbury / Getty Images

"The worst thing is to manage the appointment with your son's teacher who is having trouble at school ... and your boss's e-mails, all labeled" urgent ", which accumulate on your smartphone during the meeting ", summarizes Julie, project manager in the communication. According to the psychologist Nicole Prieur ⁽³⁾ , "the modern woman is in a permanent heterogeneity of identities, at the same time mother, wife and professional. Fatigue is also born from the management of conflicts between these identities. More and more women never stop working, as the study conducted by the Cadreo website shows that 54% of female executives continue to work during the week-end. (against 43% of men), 30% going to work on vacation. An excess of zeal made possible by new technologies. "A trap for many women, laments Marc Loriol. In telework, they first saw a pledge of freedom, a way to organize their time. And then, without realizing it, they found themselves working constantly. To physical fatigue, linked to work, is added a psychological fatigue, due to the disappearance of the barriers between professional and private lives. "

"Bossing during the holidays means losing the benefits of the holidays," confirms Julie, who ended up answering calls for tenders on the beach, while managing the baths of her son . Because fatigue, far from being a simple physiological datum, is also a state of mind. "To rest, I must at some point I can disconnect my brain, pause between my different lives," says Julie. Stop listening to Leo when I think of the email I need to answer. And also manage not to think about anything, neither this e-mail, nor to my son. But the feeling of exhaustion is also linked to a weaker professional recognition. Marc Loriol reminds us that "the fair sex still occupies today lower hierarchical positions within companies and / or jobs less valued socially. So, the levels of fatigue and stress are the same for nurses ... except that the vast majority of nurses are nurses. "

Moreover, this fatigue, born of the non-recognition of activities considered as feminine, is far from sparing the childless thirty years that Dr. Bouvet de la Maisonneuve receives in her cabinet: "Young women are investing more and more. more in their profession. But when you work as much, or more and / or better than your colleague, and you continue to earn 20% less ... there is a moment when you feel a weariness, an enormous psychological fatigue. "

THE ETERNAL FEMALE CULPABILITY

We also note that even within domestic activities, it is the most "noble" tasks, those that produce a visible result in the long term, such as DIY or gardening, which remain the quasi-privilege of men, while that invisible work (like the household) is primarily the responsibility of women.

But why the hell are they allowed? The legendary feminine guilt would she push us to accept the unacceptable and to trim day after day on our time of rest, in the name of an original fault? "But how do you expect women not to feel guilty? the psychiatrist answers. When you give yourself a lot of work and your male colleague gets the promotion you deserve ... you end up believing that you have done something wrong. Dr. Bouvet de la Maisonneuve is also convinced that "companies do not hesitate to play on this female guilt: they know the mothers to be able to thank, because everything steeped in the" fault "of having dared to make children ".

"It's true that I do not dare say no when I get a rotten file at work, confirms Julie. I tell myself that I already have the chance to leave at 6:30 pm and that I have to make sacrifices. Proof that women have perfectly internalized the message that society sends them, that it is up to them to manage family life, to do more at work and to wake up at night when children cry. After all, it's their mother's job, right?

"Except that being a good mother, a good wife, a good employee ... it takes time," says Cecile, who smiles as she recounts the first meeting at her son's college. The main teacher announced, "The ^_6th is hard, they will not succeed by themselves in the beginning, and it is to you, parents, to help them." And then I turned around, I ' I saw that the parents present at this meeting were 90% women. "

"By doing too much, women are today in a denial of their physiological needs," warns Acupuncturist Maurice Tran Dinh. According to him, the French are today stuck in a logic of ultra-performance, deleterious for two reasons: firstly because it allows the rest of society not to question itself and not to evolve from more egalitarian way. Second, and most importantly, because it directly threatens the health of women, fatigue being exponential, which may eventually lead to other types of physiological disorders. And fatigue, if we do not end up admitting it, then becomes endless.

Credits: Sally Anscombe / Getty Images

How to hold when one has high responsibilities? They testify!

• Myriam El Khomri, Minister of Labor, 37, two children

"I believe in our ability to make sustainable progress in our country, to improve the lives of everyone. I want to succeed. That's what keeps me going. I try to sleep a minimum of five hours a night and see my daughters before leaving in the morning. It's important for them, but also for me. During the day, I do not have time for mini-naps, although I am convinced of the benefits they can have for employees and companies. But to be honest, I sometimes sneak out of my nose like everyone else. I try to catch up with me on the weekend: with my husband, we agreed that everyone had their sleep in the morning when possible. And I confess a little soft for coffee. But no excess. My natural dope is my family and my friends. "

• Agnès Ogier, CEO of Thalys International, 48, three children

"On weekdays, I have days of ten to twelve hours on average, and I sleep six to seven hours. But the weekend, sleep late. Small, because it's the time for catch-ups of all kinds: stewardship, shopping, gardening and sport - a mix of fitness and Pilates that makes everything work in one hour. What helps me keep up? I think that's the way my two lives feed on each other: a great family night gives me fishing for my work; and conversely, a day of creative work, fruitful is a source of inspiration to solve small problems: constraint, dilemma ... Then it gives energy to continue to exchange, listen to the evening, with his family. To hold on, sometimes you have to sacrifice something too. It is probably my social life that suffers a little of my responsibilities, but I do not regret anything. Finally, black or green, I rarely meet without a cup of tea in my hand. "

• Mari-Noëlle Jego-Laveissière, head of innovation at Orange, 47, three children

"I go home around 8:30 pm, sometimes later, days of about thirteen hours. As we finish dinner around 10:30 pm, the menu is neither sophisticated nor very dietetic. The reunion with my three loulous and their father, the conviviality, the laughs do not encourage to count the calories. I go to bed around 11 pm and sleep about half past six. When one is tired, one is grumpy and one has no ideas. My secret, to make up for my sleep deficit: my naps of the weekend. I go to bed at the end of lunch, without any guilt, and I sleep for an hour. Plus three hours of sport a week. I still have my runnings with me. Running in the open air, it fades, it distresses, it reframes. And it's the best pleasure-time relationship: you go out and you're already running! In bed, I read only poles (right now, Fred Vargas). It cuts me off from work and it does not stop me from sleeping. "

1. Author of "The choice of women" (Threshold edition).
2. Co-author of "passionate work" (Eres edition).
3. Author of "Small family account settlements" (Albin Michel edition).